We have a primal instinct to long for connections and relationships, not just the social ones or the ones that come down from heredity; but for someone with whom we choose to walk along the path with us over the rest of our lives, our romantic love relationships.
The ones who are fortunate, get to be married to the love of their lives or be partners with someone that they have a very deep soulful craving for, for most of us it is about a connection at a primary level in terms of physical looks, status, hobbies, and social nature.
Relationships generally start with a lot of excitement, and passion that is on fire initially but once you are together, and time passes by - things start unrolling. The attention and excitement invariably start dwindling over time and those very things that you were ok with, while you were courting, start becoming irritating.
What has changed you wonder?
What really changes in relationships
When you are in the honeymoon phase of a relationship, you put your best self out. You wear a mask in order to be loved and liked by your partner. But as the hormones settle in, you gradually start wearing your mask off.
Researchers have found that the honeymoon phase of a relationship usually lasts from 6 months to 2 years.
Gradually all your not so good parts of you also start to play out. From a person who was never angry, you become a person who now shows anger. And the other feels you have changed.
When two people get into a relationship you bring all your baggage into the relationship. By baggage I mean all their past experiences, their belief systems, their wounds, and their traumas. This is all projected in the relationship and often projected on the partner.
When I say relationships are mirrors, I mean there is no one out there except you. The other person is just mirroring a part of you, and many times one may not be aware or conscious of it. And we may call it as our shadow self, as that remains hidden and unseen.
The concept of shadow work was coined by the famous psychologist Carl Jung.
So, if you have a partner who treats you poorly, makes you feel worthless or valueless, it is not that he/she is making you feel this, but they are simply mirroring what is already in you. If you get in the blame game, of blaming the other person for making you feel that way, or for the hurt or the pain, you are missing the point.
Taking total responsibility for what you attract in your life will help you to grow and evolve through relationships. If you look at the same situation as that even if the other person is treating you in a way which makes you feel valueless or worthless, it helps you to get in touch with these emotions, which would never have felt without this relationship.
This person is simply mirroring you, what's inside of you. If you feel worthy enough within, no one in the outside world can make you feel otherwise. Simply shifting your focus from outside to inside can take you a long way forward in a relationship.
Releasing the other of the blame and taking responsibility for how you are feeling will help you see your own self and then you can take responsibility for the healing.
This way relationships not only just function as a mirror but become a ladder in your growth and evolution.
As I have said in my bestseller book “The Soulmate Mantra”, the highest purpose of a relationship is growth and ascension.
Relationship is a mirror in which you can see yourself, not as you would wish to be, but as you are.
- Jiddu Krishnamurthy
So how do we navigate through all this and make it a bridge to our own growth?
Here are a few things that can be done consciously -
Taking Responsibility - Taking responsibility for whatever we create in our life. If you were in a nasty relationship, take responsibility that there is an unconscious part of you that has attracted this relationship. If you are stuck in a blame game, you have missed the goal.
Mindfulness - Being aware of your emotions and feelings, and observing where and why they are coming from. While a sudden burst of anger, disappointment, or irritation could be due to something done by our partner or might arise from something that we ourselves are going through, the reaction might be because of an old wound or a trauma. Becoming aware of your own emotions, patterns and beliefs is the key to healing and transformation. This way you can spare your partner!!!! LOL
Ego- Ego has a desire to be right. It’s the greatest block in healing and transformation. Ego is always a projection of deep insecurity within us, and it is impossible to avoid ego completely. But the key is being aware of it and showing it its place time and again to ensure that we don’t create permanent walls with our partner. If we are in our Ego self, we always wish to prove ourselves right and the other person wrong, however if we can put our Ego aside, we would be able to observe our reactions and where they come from, and specially in what pattern we need to heal and transform within ourselves.
Forgiveness - Holding on to the grudges and resentment is only going to damage the relationship. I would urge you to practice forgiveness with your partner, as they are simply being a mirror. They are mirroring you, all those unhealed, unconscious, broken parts of you, they are trying to help you heal, integrate, and become whole.
Not forgiving is like holding a piece of burning coal that is only going to burn you.
Forgiving someone with this understanding that this relationship or person is just acting as a mirror for those parts of you that you had to heal.
“FORGIVENESS IS A GIFT YOU GIVE YOURSELF”
Invest in your healing - Relationships as a mirror could show you what wounds and trauma you carry within yourself. It's your job to heal those patterns in you or you would keep attracting the same situation or people in your life. If one doesn't invest time and energy in your healing, one may stay stuck in the loops of the same patterns in your relationship. If it's difficult for you to do it on your own, consult a healer or a therapist who can hold space for you and help you in your healing journey. Ask for help, ask for assistance, reach out! Healing yourself would help you effectively experience deeper levels of love and intimacy in your relationship.
Life alternates between the idea of fighting for things that you believe and accepting things that will eventually define you to be someone else, someone better. There’s nothing in the world that does the latter better than getting into relationships. Whether we thrive in it or not, not only depends on the general compatibility with our partner over time but also over our acceptance of what the mirror shows to us - at different stages of our lives.
Here is my book "The Soulmate Mantra" for you to dive deep into finding solutions to your relationship problems.
This book is enriched with my personal experiences as well as experiences of my clients who were able to find love by following the principles mentioned in this book. It has easy, applicable mantras and descriptions of the different aspects of ourselves which when we integrate within ourselves helps create a path to bring us closer to our Soulmate.
This book will help you understand all the obstacles and blocks that is withholding you from experiencing the love that you have always desired.
As you finish reading this book you will realize that it is not just a guide to manifest your soulmate but a journey that will bring in personal transformation, and would result in not only bringing in your Soulmate but living a more fulfilled life, with love, freedom, and joy.